


Zain

by Morgyn Leri (morgynleri)



Series: Agnu Ra Nutû [31]
Category: The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen, Gender Identity, original character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-02
Updated: 2014-07-02
Packaged: 2018-02-07 03:03:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1882680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morgynleri/pseuds/Morgyn%20Leri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Boromir makes a discovery about Denethor that shakes him, and one that he cannot fully understand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Zain

**Author's Note:**

> While I don't feel the pressing need to warn for any of the additional tags beyond the usual ones I have used for this AU, and the usual warning tag of not actually warning, there is material covered in the story that can be problematic in how it is handled. I hope I have done justice both to the characters and the issues being touched upon, some more briefly than others.
> 
> In this, Boromir is ten, and Faramir four (adjusting for the tweaks made in their ages for the AU).

He will never speak of what he heard about his father, not even to Denethor. Will never tell of the servant who spoke unwisely, and who he had silenced himself, because how could such a thing be true? How could he believe the man who so adored his mother - who his mother held most beloved, even over the sons she bore - was naught but a woman himself?

No, Boromir would not speak of it.

He draws his knees up to his chest as he sits in his bed, unable to sleep, though, the words from the servant still echoing in his head. The accusation that neither Boromir nor Faramir were Denethor's sons, for they were borne by Finduilas, as all knew. He had asked why the man thought so, and had felt rage ignite in him when the man had claimed that Denethor had no ability to father sons - only to bear them, if he didn't parade about pretending to be a man.

The rage had been enough for Boromir to catch the man by surprise, to push him back and over the edge of the great courtyard that overlooked the entire city. Over the edge of the massive ship's-prow of rock, before Boromir had run, back to his rooms, hiding there until someone came to find him, because he couldn't take such lies to his mother or his father.

He will _not_ speak of it.

A quiet sigh escapes him as he thinks of the whispers that now echo through the Citadel, that the man had leapt to his death, though no one is speaking of why he might do such a thing. Nor does anyone seem to realize he had anything to do with it, and that weighs on him, no matter that he did it for the sake of his father and mother. For their happiness, because that sort of lie should never be heard.

Resting his chin on his knees, he worries at his lip. He cannot talk about it to anyone, but how can he not? At least to his father, even if he's the last person Boromir wants to know about those lies. The jealousy of a servant who could not have anything that the Steward and his family had, and could only want to tear them down.

Boromir should not even think of it.

He looks up when his door opens, a small frown on his face. He has left no candle burning to tell his tutor or servants he still is awake, preferring to sit in the dark with his thoughts about the dead man. Dead, and with him the lies he would have told, and at Boromir's own hand. His first defense of his family, as a man ought to, though he's not yet fully grown, nor blooded in battle.

Denethor comes from the door, sitting on the end of Boromir's bed, watching him, but not speaking yet. As if he has known about what Boromir did this entire time, and could only bring himself to confront Boromir about it in the dark watches of the night.

"I pushed him." Boromir isn't sure why the words blurt out of him, but the strange gnawing at his insides that he'd been trying to ignore eases a little. "He lied about you, and mother, and Faramir and me."

He hadn't _meant_ to mention that.

"What sort of lie?" Denethor is watching him, and Boromir sighs, shaking his head. How can he repeat the lie to his father? The worst sort of insult and lie, and how can he make himself even speak such a thing? "What lie did he tell you, Boromir?"

He buries his face against his knees, knowing it will muffle his voice, and barely chokes out, "He called you a woman."

There is silence from his father, and Boromir hopes that Denethor hadn't actually heard his words. The thought that he heard them and was horrified by hearing the lie in his son's mouth is worse.

"Did he also tell you that you and your brother are not my sons?" Denethor's voice is steady, and Boromir looks up, his brow furrowing as he tries to figure out what his father's expression is. Not angry, though Boromir had been expecting that. Sad, a little, maybe.

"Yes."

There's a quiet sigh from Denethor, and he beckons Boromir to come closer, wrapping an arm around Boromir's shoulders when he settles next to Denethor. "Do not tell your brother those rumors."

"I wouldn't!" Boromir looks at Denethor with a stricken expression. How could his father think he'd repeat those lies to his little brother?

The arm around his shoulders tightens a moment, in a comfort rarely given. "He is too young to understand that those rumors will always be spoken about you both." Denethor tugs gently at a lock of Boromir's hair with his free hand. "There are those who will see your fairer hair, and his darker, and speak in whispers about how you cannot have the same father, and that perhaps one or both of you were sired by someone not myself."

"But you're our father. You claimed us both, and mother loves you too much to betray you." Boromir looks up at his father, a frown on his face. "Can't they see that?"

"Not everyone can. And there have been whispers about me since I was a child." Denethor laughs, a quiet and strange-sounding chuckle. "I was ever a slender youth, and shorter than those my age until I was nearly twenty. That those rumors that I could not be what I appeared have never quite died is little surprise."

"But that doesn't make you a woman. And if you were, I wouldn't have been born, and neither would Faramir." Boromir sighs, shaking his head at the foolishness of other men.

There's silence from Denethor for a long moment, then his father tilts his head so Boromir is watching him. Looking at Boromir for a long moment before he speaks.

"Even a man may have a body that is more akin to that of a woman, Boromir, and a woman might have a body more akin to that of a man. It is common enough among dwarves and elves, and so it must be possible among Men."

Boromir frowns, not sure what his father is telling him, though it sounds like he's saying the lies are true. Which he can't be. "But you're my father."

"Yes."

"And mother would never betray you by lying with another man."

"She would not betray me." That doesn't reassure Boromir, and it seems to make it sound as if lying with another man _wouldn't_ be a betrayal, but it would have to be. "If another shared her bed, they would share also my bed, and only at the wishes of us both."

"But why?" Boromir doesn't like the gnawing feeling that's back again, like he's swallowed a ferret. "You're _not_ a woman."

"No. I am a man whose body is shaped as a woman's." Denethor sounds afraid, and Boromir can't imagine his father being scared. He's never been scared in all of Boromir's ten years, and he cannot be now. "It does not change that you are my son, that Faramir is my son, or that I _am_ a man."

"But _how_ can it not change things?" Boromir doesn't _understand_ , and he doesn't like it, and he can feel the rage from earlier trying to bubble up again, making the ferret inside him all the more fierce. "How does a man have a woman's body?"

There's a quiet, pained sigh from Denethor. "I cannot answer a question I have not found an answer to myself." He pauses, the quiet settling for a long moment. "You should speak with the ambassador from Erebor. He might have a better answer for you than I."

It is not an answer that satisfies Boromir, but he knows he can't get anything better now, not when all of the upper circles of the city are - or should be - sleeping, and it is certainly rude to wake the ambassador for anything that isn't dire, like his father's death. He will have to drag his tutor with him if he is to visit the ambassador from Erebor tomorrow, because it would be expected for him to be accompanied, even though he thinks he would rather make that visit alone.

"I will." Boromir pauses, looking down at the floor, something else drifting to the front of his mind, now that he knows he can't get answers about why his father is a woman. "What will happen about the servant?"

"He will be buried by his family." Denethor tightens his hand on Boromir's shoulder. "He leapt to his death, unable to cope with the knowledge he carried about the Steward."

"Oh." Boromir takes a deep breath, letting it out in a gusty sigh. At least he's not in trouble for doing what he had to do to protect his family. Especially his little brother, since his mother must already know about his father being a woman. Faramir doesn't, though, and he can't be told because he's too little not to tell anyone else, and Boromir isn't old enough to be Steward yet, anyway.

"I want to go to bed now." He looks up at his father, smiling a little, though he still doesn't understand much about all this. "I will talk to the dwarf in the morning." And ask all the questions he can't ask his father now.

"Good." Denethor stands, waiting for Boromir to scramble under the covers before drawing them up around Boromir. "Good night."

"Good night, father." Boromir watches until Denethor leaves, before sitting up again, drawing his knees to his chest again while he tries to think through the puzzle. He'll sleep later.

**Author's Note:**

> In my head-canon for this AU, it would not have mattered when Boromir found out that Denethor is female-bodied, because his inability to understand it is a part of who he is over time - he can accept it, in the case of Denethor, but his world view is generally that "if it looks like an [x], than it must _be_ an [x]" (thank you to lferion for the wording!). He never quite understands why Denethor is male, when his body is female.
> 
> The only difference a change in timing is likely to have made is the violence of his reaction (in this case, probably less immediately violent if presented with the information in the same manner, if he had been older at the time), and his ability to keep the information to himself (less likely if he had been much younger).
> 
> The title means "female". (As updated to deal with the new dictionary, which does have a word for female, unlike previous.)


End file.
